Character Failures can turn into Horror Stories

In 1982 a mother I had never met called me from another state. She asked me to visit her son in jail. He was set to go on trial for rape at knife point. When I visited him in jail, he would cry crocodile tears but when he went into the court room he swore to innocence and demanded justice. The judge allowed me time in his private chambers to make suggestions as to what could be done with the accused.

I visited this fellow in jail and went to court with him for a year. During that time, I was allowed to bring some young men that had graduated from the program I was recommending. One of them had held up a gas station with a machine gun. At that time, he was going to college and becoming a responsible citizen. To look at him you would never imagine his past.

The fellow I was dealing with did not catch on. With me he was a broken person on my visits but in court he was self-righteous, demanding justice, and claiming innocence. All of the evidence was against him. If he had confessed to the court and begged for mercy, I am convinced that the judge would have taken my advice. The judge said he was guilty on all counts and sentenced him to 270 years plus life in prison and told him that he would never see the light of day. During sentencing he said he was the most despicable case he had ever seen in his 27 years on the bench.

When a person is proud, he or she has difficulty learning humility until they see the benefit.

Escaped responsibility

Several years ago, I met a Vietnam veteran in Las Vegas who was driving a taxi. He told me that after returning from the war he could not go home because of the things he saw and did in the war. He said the mob in Las Vegas loves America and keeps him working. When he has a flare up of emotional stress and gets fired from one job, they move him to another job.

I was there for a business training. We were not able to spend any time together so that I could help him. That was almost 35 years after leaving the war and he was stressed even talking with me. I never saw him again but imagine he spent the rest of his life in bondage.

When a person believes he or she has violated a social standard they have difficulty facing their peers.

A life turned around by acceptance

A few years ago, I met a former Green Barret lieutenant that served in Vietnam. He said that when he came home and arrived at the airport that someone spit on him in uniform and called him a baby killer and a murderer. Seeing the anti-war climate, he took refuge as a tour guide in the Grand Canyon for several years until someone showed him how to trade the market, before the internet. His financial success and social acceptance of veterans changed his life for the better.

When confronted by someone with a warped view one must learn wisdom to respond.

Raped and Stabbed

A psychiatrist unable to help a woman sent her to a training. The man that raped her was in prison, but she was in torment. After it was explained how important it would be for her to forgive the man, she told me that she would rather spend eternity in Hell than to forgive him. When I asked her how long she had been contemplating suicide her chin hit her chest and streams of tears ran from her eyes. I did not know it was possible for someone’s eyes to shed so much.

Hell was not real to her but the torment that she had experienced for years after the rape was eating any possibility of enjoyment in life. Immediately after I made the link for her, she had a new mindset and was able to begin a journey that led her to freedom and success.

We cannot change the past, but we can change the future by letting go of bitterness through forgiveness. The forgiver reaps the greatest reward.

Most Delicate Explosive

Of all the known explosives only two of them actually explode, nuclear weapons and nitroglycerin, all other “explosives” actually have a fast burn rate. Nukes and conventional bombs can be dropped from 40,000 onto concrete without going off if not set to do so. Nitroglycerin is so delicate that if moved quickly can explode. However, every wife knows that her husband’s ego is more delicate than nitroglycerin. Nitroglycerin can be stabilized in silica. Settling family arguments requires learning character. Do you know the man’s name that invented dynamite? And what he did to balance its effects for his conscience?

His name was Alfred Nobel. Nobel prize awards are given annually for academic, cultural and scientific achievements. He built buildings and bridges in his hometown of Stockholm, Sweden and needed something to blow up rock. Militaries and businesses purchased from him and he became very wealthy and 94% of the profit goes to the Nobel prizes each year.

About Jim Lane

After the divorce of his parents and no father in the home Jim began following the crowd. This led to failing, dropping out of high school, and building a hot rod.

In 1965 Jim joined the Marines and went to Vietnam in 67’ and loaded 500 POUND bombs 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. For  VARIETY  we loaded rockets and napalm.

Jim did two tours back to back.

In 1968 he became a helicopter door gunner.

Don’t expect to become invincible but with training you can learn to overcome fear.

Jim has been shot at with:

  • 5” rockets
  • Air burst RPG’s
  • Artillery
  • Howitzer “friendly fire” Army
  • 50 caliber machine guns
  • A quad 50

If you go into battle like Don Knotts you go home in a box but if you go in like John Wayne you go home with a chest full of medals.

He is amply qualified to deal with those with PTSD

  • Since then he was certified as a trainer for Character First in 1995.
  • President of Character U, Inc. 2016
  • Recipient of two Toastmasters Humorous speech trophies
  • Speaking Empire’s Best Speaker trophy 2017.

The key to his success was having coaches and mentors. Each taught him how to build a life worth living and now teaches others.

He once lived on Skid Row

Then came home and built his own home

Books by Jim Lane:
Magnetic Leadership
The Difference between Men & Boys
Working on #3: Crossover

In 1995 Jim got certified as a consultant for Character First and has been speaking on the subject of Character ever since. He was supported by his business Lane Stairs.

Mr. Lane speaks in churches, schools, civic clubs, and businesses on Character and will be training people in forty-nine character qualities through live events, webinars, and a membership website that drip feeds in bite-size chunks.

If you would like to become a hero in your field Character U would like to work with you.

A membership site with character qualities drip-fed in bite-size chunks to transform you quickly from personality reactions to character responses in ten to fifteen minutes a day.

Quantum Transformation Technology = puts you into the core of the Matrix

Software with character qualities drip-fed in bit size chunks to transform you quickly from personality reactions to character responses

In ten to fifteen minutes a day.

A coach to keep you on course.

Reluctant Hero’s

No one is born a hero. Think about the movies you have watched. Everyone that became a hero started out in denial.

Every great person depends on coaches and mentors to direct and push as needed.

Eaglets are forced out of their nest.

References
perspective to Live Life skillfully. The 21st Century will be remembered for the war of
Globalism vs. Personal Freedom.

“In The Difference Between Men and Boys, Jim outlines how Men can not only step up to our responsibility to defeat Globalism, but how we will save our world from the tyranny of Boys. I urge everyone to drink from this fire hose of wisdom and truth.” ~Fred Johnson

“This age is very demanding and many battles are being fought and will require manly strength, wisdom, and character to stay the course and know the best battle plan. Maturing into the needed manly characteristics is a necessity. Jim has done at outstanding job in identifying those characteristics and how best to obtain the goal to being a Man that God can use. I would urge everyone to study and implement Jim’s plan to becoming that Man.”
~Richard A. Martins
Senior Technical Specialist
(Retired) – Ford Motor

“The world needs individuals who accept responsibility, become mature adults, and build strong character. The principles found within The Difference Between Men & Boys provide a helpful guide for young men seeking to make a difference and be successful in life. ”                                                                        –  ~US Congressman Daniel Webster

 

“I have known Jim for over 50 years and have the greatest respect for him. We need more men like Jim Lane.”                                                                                                                                      ~ Roger Wynn

Independent Project Manager (Retired) for many major companies including: Exxon Mobile Oil, BP Oil, WW Granger, and wrote the manuals for all of Nuclear Power Plants in FL and many more.

“I have the privilege to sit under the weekly teaching of Jim Lane, which is very unique, profound, challenging, inspiring, and thought provoking. It is very evident that he spends much time in preparation. His method of asking questions is the best I have experienced. He also gives us sufficient time for asking questions. Jim’s class is conducive to learning.”
~ Aston L. Brown

Twenty-seven years with Associated Gospel Assembly in Jamaica and planting new churches in Jamaica.

“Artisan craftsman of the grand staircase at Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge, Vietnam helicopter door gunner veteran and steadfast disciple of all things character-building, my friend Jim Lane’s mentoring indelibly brands me with humility and quiet confidence each and every time we meet up. He’ll do the same for you and your organization.”
~ Buddy Johnson

• Co-Founder, Buddy Freddy’s Restaurants
• Member of Florida House of Representatives (1991-96)
• Hillsborough County Supervisor of Elections 2003-09.
• Founding President, Crisis Pregnancy Center of Plant City.

BUY NOW

Because success requires regular attention we all need to see it before us daily. You should have a list of things to accomplish, mile markers to cross, and habits that should be formed. This poster was created and framed with the important things listed. It is so important that I believe every household and every business should have it hanging in a prominent place. My doctor saw the value in it and purchased a copy to hang in his home for his five children.

Character U Poster – $199.97

Jim’s New Book – Coming Soon

 

Mature women tell me that everything we teach is just as applicable for girls.

Vietnam We Won – $9.95

What they lost and what we gained in the Vietnam War without the frame.

BUY NOW

Christmas 2002 my mother surprised me with a gift of Dress Blues. Memorial Day 2003 was the first time I wore them publicly. At church, a seven-year-old girl grabbed my left hand and waited patiently until I finished talking with a man, then asked: “Did you fight in a war?” I said: “yes” and she asked: “Did we win?” I said: “no” she threw my hand down and walked away.

I knew then that I had to come up with a better answer before I put my Dress Blues on again.

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STATISTICS

  • 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.
  • 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
  • 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control
  • 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26)
  • 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average.  (National Principals Association Report)

Father Factor in Education – Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.

  • Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school.
  • Children with Fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school.
  • Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A’s in school.
  • Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.
  • 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average.

Father Factor in Drug and Alcohol Abuse – Researchers at Columbia University found that children living in two-parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Teens in single mother households are at a 30% higher risk than those in two-parent households.

  • 70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average.  (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Sept. 1988)
  • 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average.  (Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of Correction)

Father Factor in Incarceration – Even after controlling for income, youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. Youths who never had a father in the household experienced the highest odds. A 2002 Department of Justice survey of 7,000 inmates revealed that 39% of jail inmates lived in mother-only households. Approximately forty-six percent of jail inmates in 2002 had a previously incarcerated family member. One-fifth experienced a father in prison or jail.

Father Factor in Crime – A study of 109 juvenile offenders indicated that family structure significantly predicts delinquency. Adolescents, particularly boys, in single-parent families were at higher risk of status, property and person delinquencies. Moreover, students attending schools with a high proportion of children of single parents are also at risk. A study of 13,986 women in prison showed that more than half grew up without their father. Forty-two percent grew up in a single-mother household and sixteen percent lived with neither parent.

Father Factor in Child Abuse – A single-parent home compared to living with both parents, doubles the risk that a child will suffer physical, emotional, or educational neglect. The overall rate of child abuse and neglect in single-parent households is 27.3 children per 1,000, whereas the rate of overall maltreatment in two-parent households is 15.5 per 1,000.

Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

  • 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
  • 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
  • 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
  • 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
  • 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
  • 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
  • 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
  • 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
  • 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God’s Children]
  • 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
  • 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
  • Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]

Adolescent girls raised in a 2 parent home with involved Fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved Fathers.

Census Fatherhood Statistics

  • 64.3 million: Estimated number of fathers across the nation
  • 26.5 million: Number of fathers who are part of married-couple families with their own children under the age of 18. Among these fathers –
  • 22 percent are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old (among married-couple family households only).
  • 2 percent live in the home of a relative or a non-relative.
  • 2.5 million: Number of single fathers, up from 400,000 in 1970. Currently, among single parents living with their children, 18 percent are men. Among these fathers –
  • 8 percent are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old.
  • 42 percent are divorced, 38 percent have never married, 16 percent are separated and 4 percent are widowed. (The percentages of those divorced and never married are not significantly different from one another.)
  • 16 percent live in the home of a relative or a non-relative.
  • 27 percent have an annual family income of $50,000 or more.
  • 85 percent: Among the 30.2 million fathers living with children younger than 18, the percentage who lived with their biological children only.
    11 percent lived with step-childern
    4 percent with adopted children
    1 percent with foster children

Recent policies encourage the development of programs designed to improve the economic status of low-income nonresident fathers and the financial and emotional support provided to their children. This brief provides ten key lessons from several important early responsible fatherhood initiatives that were developed and implemented during the 1990s and early 2000s. Formal evaluations of these earlier fatherhood efforts have been completed making this an opportune time to step back and assess what has been learned and how to build on the early programs’ successes and challenges.While the following statistics are formidable, the Responsible Fatherhood research literature generally supports the claim that a loving and nurturing father improves outcomes for children, families and communities.

  • Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.
  • Studies on parent-child relationships and child well being show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional, and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.

  • 24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.
  • Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.
  • 43 percent of first marriages dissolve within fifteen years; about 60 percent of divorcing couples have children; and approximately one million children each year experience the divorce of their parents.

  • Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close, enduring relationship with their children than those who do not.
  • Compared to children born within marriage, children born to cohabiting parents are three times as likely to experience father absence, and children born to unmarried, non-cohabiting parents are four times as likely to live in a father-absent home.

  • About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children and  50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father’s home.

  • Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.

  • From 1995 to 2000, the proportion of children living in single-parent homes slightly declined, while the proportion of children living with two married parents remained stable.

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Megan Younkman
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John Kuliesh

John Kuliesh
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